im not ready

assalamualaikum
dikala i post this blog i baru je balik dr umah makcik i. i mean the closest aunty. i call her as ucu. she is my father's sister. one of my father's sister actually. tp ni la yg paling rapat. kalo rase saket ati ke kat umah, lapa ke, gaduh ngan abg nak tgk tv ke, mesti akan p umah ucu. bese la sana yg ade sepupu i nama boy. pastu tv tade rebut2. boy mesti ngalah nye ngan kakak sedara dia nih. and sebot pasal makan. mesti bes. even kadang2 lauk pauk simple je. tp mesti dpt makan nye. siap tapau lagi balik umah. every malam raya umah tu juga i melepak. sbb anak anak tiri ucu sume ade sana ( ucu kawen ngan his husband yg mmg dah ade anak) well mmg meriah la duk sana. i ade ramai anak saudara la kalo di ikotkan. pak usu naz? mmg bes. mmg sporting. kalo ngan anak2, cucu2, atau anak2 sedara nye ( i la tu) mmg sporting. kire tade la kene bebel ke, kene ceramah free ke. mmg bes la.

pak usu masuk hospital last 3 weeks. doktor kata usus pak usu pecah. the second day pak usu masuk ward, i went to the hospital. suprisingly, pak usu had been admitted in the icu room. i ter pk 'hey serious sgt ke pak usu saket?' well i knew the answer rite now. lepas beberapa hari kat wad icu, doktor kata he will be fine. ubat tidur yg diberi dah habis. but sadly, pak usu tak juga sedar. bile lawat pak usua, i tak pnah lupa ckp pada pak usu yg i dtg tgk dia. after 20 days dlm wad icu and di bawa pula ke wad isolasi kerana takot kuman yg ade pada pak usu menjangkit pada org lain, pak usu pergi tinggalkan kami semua pada ptg khamis 15 Feb 2007. mase tu i dlm kelas. i tatau nak act mcm mana. i tros pegi umah ucu. well i saw my late uncle for the very last time. i tried not to cry. but it didint work. i cried. im not ready for losing him. sebelum maghrib juga arwah pak usu selamat dikebumikan. org kata kalu kite meninggal malam jumaat, tiada seksa kubur. tade serangga dtg gigit pak usu. alhamdulillah kan?

i tak lupe sedekahkan al fatihah, surah yassin tiap kali i teringat kat arwah pak usu. i miss him actually. when im at his home, masih terasa dia ada sekeliling tu. apa yg i regret, pak usu dah bukak mata sebelum dia hembuskan nafas yg terakhir. but no respon bile dipanggil. maybe dia nak tgk anak anak dia, cucu cucu dia, sedara mara dia and paling penting isteri dia. i terpk juge. macam mana la raya i lepas ni. umah sape plak i nak p? stil sama ke condition ni lepas arwah pak usu takde? i did asked one of his grandson, ingat tak muka Aki?(aki = atuk) shidi kata dia tak ingat.agak nye sbb since pak usu dlm wad icu, kanak2 tak leh masuk tgk. bile nak kebumikan pun, shidi tak sempat jumpe. shidi kat skola. tade sape ade masa nak p amik dia. but arini bile i tny balik, shidi kata dia mimpi Aki.Aki suh dia blaja rajin2. and i did asked once again. and shidi kata dia dah ingat muka Aki.

walau dimana saja roh pak usu sekarang, ella harap pak usu ditempatkan di kalangan org2 yang beriman. amin.ella redha dgn takdir Allah swt. Al-Fatihah.